Supposedly women love shoes. “The average woman owns 20 pairs of shoes and more than half of them … are never worn,” reports the Daily Mail. But Joanna doesn’t own that many, and I suspect she wears all that she owns — otherwise, they’re thrown away or passed on to the Arc.
On the other hand, I do have more than 20 pairs, each with a supposed purpose. The oldest are bowling shoes that I bought when in college about 35 years ago. The newest are a pair of basketball shoes bought last month. Here’s a list of the footwear I now own:
- Bowling shoes.
- New basketball shoes.
- Old basketball shoes, too worn for court play but fine for wearing to the gym.
- Black dress shoes.
- Brown dress shoes.
- Walking shoes, which I often wear when teaching.
- Older walking shoes, which I used to wear for teaching and now usually wear elsewhere.
- Leather work boots.
- Rubber work boots.
- Sorel Pac boots, good for deep snow or attending November football games.
- High-topped brown leather Converse Chuck Taylors, bought at a going-out-of business sale.
- Low-topped brown leather Converse Chuck Taylors, bought at the same time.
- Hiking shoes (like low-topped hiking boots).
- Black sandals.
- Brown sandals.
- Golf shoes.
- Cleated softball shoes.
- Water shoes, worn at the lake when canoeing or swimming in non-sandy areas.
- Wading boots for fly-fishing.
- Leather slippers, which I sometimes wear outside.
- Boogie shoes.
OK, so I don’t call that last pair “boogie shoes,” but I do wear flashy black-and-white footwear when we go swing dancing — or occasionally to class, when I want to see students smile. (Sometimes I wear Wile E. Coyote slippers during final exams for the same reason, a holdover from when I taught at a women’s college where students typically showed up for class in pajamas and slippers.)
KC & the Sunshine Band undoubtedly would call my dancing footwear “Boogie Shoes.” The band’s song by that name was featured in “Saturday Night Fever,” which came out while I was in college. When I’m ready for my students to give up any remaining respect they may have for me, I admit that when I was their age, I competed in disco dance contests. (Come to think of it, I could probably achieve the same result by mentioning my college bowling team.) Unlike the students of today, though, I didn’t have to worry about any embarrassing activities being filmed on a cell phone and showing up on YouTube.
And when it comes to my wife — who must be nearly beyond embarrassment caused by my actions at this point, I’ll happily tell her: “To be with you is my fav’rite thing … Uh huh … I want to put on my my my my my boogie shoes. Just to boogie with you.”